Guest Post (Jennifer Warner Cooper).
Posted on July 29, 2012
Note from Meghan: I asked Jennifer Warner Cooper, who just graduated with Kristen, to write a guest post for this blog in the aftermath of the bar exam. She is, as you will see below, hilarious.
Dear Spring and Summer Companions,
I have a few thoughts to share with each of you about the relationships we’ve developed this season.
Property and Contracts, I’m sorry, I know that you like your individuality as much as the next guy, but in my mind you’re two of a kind. I spent so much time trying to reason with you boys and understand you but I am afraid that in the end, we are still not compatible. I find you very rigid, a little dull, and well–I’m sorry, but just not cool. It’s like you wear your pants pulled up too high. We can get together occasionally if necessary but with one little caveat: If you have an idiot that refuses to record a deed, you are on your own, fellas. I shall no longer deal with that type of flaming idiocy.
And you, Criminal Procedure. You, my friend, try hard to be fair but let’s face it, you are extremely judgmental and you make no apologies for it. (Samesies, gurll!!!) Anyway, the only place where I see you being just a wee bit disingenuous is with that Good Faith exception to a crappy warrant. (Wink wink. We all know how THAT works.) But I’ll let you slide on that, and I hope to pass a bar exam eventually and catch up with you in the courtroom.
Ah, Evidence! Now don’t repeat this, but I’m a bit of gossip. It follows, then, that I adore you for the way you manage to get all kinds of juicy details and nasty comments made by people talking smack about one another into court. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come and sit here by me!” You are indeed a sassy one. Let’s hang out!
Dear Torts and Criminal Law. Like me, you are fascinated by the evil deeds of others. (Is that wrong of us? Macabre? We should talk about this in detail over drinks sometime.) Also, like me, you are flabbergasted by the absolute NERVE some people have with the ridiculous, mean, stupid and dangerous things they do. What ARE these people thinking? Someone needs to keep the jackwagons under control, and I thank my lucky stars that you two are there to do the job. Never change. “You are beautiful, in every single way.”
Con Law, I love you. But I do understand that it is a presidential election year and that everyone in the country is professing undying love for you. You are justified in being wary and not giving your heart away prematurely. Let’s see who’s there for you after November, baby.
As for the rest of you—the MEE posse—I have, I am afraid, some rather harsh words for you. You came crashing into my world in the darkest of nights like a marauding band of thieves. You held me hostage and robbed me of a sense of calm and control, not to mention hours upon hours of my precious time. You’re all nasty, but you, Bus Orgs, are, quite simply, despicable for that ambush you pulled on Essay 12. REALLY? What’s the problem? You don’t feel that you get enough attention? Get a shrink, dude; I cannot solve your problems for you. (Literally.) In any case, MEE subjects, now you’re just somebody that I used to know.
Allright, gang. It’s been real. I have a summer to catch up with right now. You just go quietly under the guest bed in that big Rubbermaid thing until September 28, at which time we will either get reluctantly reacquainted or have a good-sized bonfire. I’ll provide s’mores.